look no pants
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
