You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I want her autograph on my taint
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
