your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
