just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
