I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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