so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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