I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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