In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
