If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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