I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
