My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
