My friends, they love my intelligence
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
