Walk of Shame today included voting.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
