You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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