I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I'm like, not good at living.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
