I'm really into asian looking animals
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
