why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
