Soap is not a condiment
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Randomize
