Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
