you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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