Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
