god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
