i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
