so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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