I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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