Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
