sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
