I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Your dad touched me again.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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