32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
