when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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