I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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