If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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