I cannot find my penis.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
