Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
