lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
