Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
