It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Is Oprah even human
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
