I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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