I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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