Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
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