Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
