Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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