oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
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