I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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