I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
