I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
