I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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