I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
