There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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