We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
