my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
