I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
