peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
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