quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
