I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
