Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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