so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
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