I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
