worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
there's paper in my vomit.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
